Arthur is 90 years old.
He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.
”That’s it,” he tells his wife. ”I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: ”Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”
”That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. ”Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help.”
”He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, ”but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. ”Did you see the ball?”
”Of course I did!”, says the brother-in-law. ”I have perfect eyesight.”
”Where did it go?” asks Arthur.
”I Can’t remember.”
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a ‘handy-woman’, and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that she could do.
” Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said. ”How much will you charge me?”
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, ”How about $50 ?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, ‘Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house ?’
He responded, ”That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it ?”
The wife replied, ”You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.”
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
”You’re finished already?” the startled husband asked.
”Yes”, the blonde replied, ”and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50, and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
”And by the way” the blonde added, ”It’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus”